'TIL THE WATER RUNS: A POEM IN BLANK VERSE

Photo by Gabriel on Unsplash

'Til the Water Runs

By Matthew D. Berkshier

11/27/2024

 

The well is dry, and I do not know how

To mend the sadness idling in my mind.

You always said the years were on my side,

But funnily enough, they slip right through

My fingers, lost to misty reveries,

Memento Mori in its purest state.

I do not wish to live in weightlessness,

Not dead yet not alive, a monument

To lost sensations and the ebb and flow

Of time. I crave the gravity of life!

I crave the constant hum, the vital spark

With which I am affirmed. I need to feel,

I need to breathe the freshness of the air,

To live again despite the chemical

Imbalance wresting potence from my brain.

Yet neither am I dead, nor do I live.

I lack the fortitude and will to drive

My heart to greener pastures, so I sit

And wait, the moments drumming on and on,

Because the well is dry, and I cannot

Begin to change things 'til the water runs.

TEN VAMPIRE FILMS TO AVOID DURING THE HALLOWEEN SEASON

Welcome back, Dear Readers! If you have yet to see my previous post in this little series, Ten Vampire Films to Watch During the Halloween Season, you can check that out here.

This list was much harder to come up with than the last one. What definitively constitutes a lousy movie? I could have gone on and on (I had nearly fifty entries at one point), so I had to set some ground rules: while the previous list was about sharing the love of great Vampire films overall, this time, I am keeping the list to only those films which have had limited-to-wide releases in theaters and on television. There are no homemade, direct-to-YouTube movies here. These films were made with good intentions but ultimately failed for one reason or another. Here are my Ten Vampire Movies to Avoid During the Halloween Season.

Dark Shadows (2012) – Where, oh where to begin? I had such high hopes for this one, but I became worried when I heard Tim Burton and Johnny Depp were involved. I have been a fan of the original series and even more so of the theatrical film, House of Dark Shadows, released in 1970, which is essentially the original storyline intended for Barnabas Collins on the show (which was changed due to the character's popularity). This film, however, spits in the eye of all for which the original stands, trading in the gothic atmosphere for campy humor, blue tones, and Alice Cooper. Such a disaster. The film was written by Seth Grahame-Smith, author of another offending title on this list.

Fright Night Part II (1988) – While the original Fright Night didn't make it into my previous list, that film is close to my heart. It is one of the great gems of the 80s, with brilliant special effects, memorable performances by Chris Sarandon and Roddy McDowell, and a slick synth-based soundtrack by Brad Fiedel. The sequel, on the other hand...hoo boy. This time, the Vamp-fatale is Jerry Dandridge's sister, Regine, who has a beef with Charlie Brewster after he unceremoniously destroyed her brother in the previous film. Rather than just off him, though, she spends more time...making out with him? Brian Thompson shows up in a supporting role as a, uh...well, he is not a vampire. In fact, it is never really explained what the hell he is. Also of note: Louie, one of Regine's vampiric horde with a penchant for going into wolf form because he just has to be different, is Jon Gries, the same actor who played the human form of the Wolfman in 1987's The Monster Squad.

The Twilight Saga – All of Them (2008-2012) – You knew this was coming. A film series so atrocious I could not decide which was worse, so I decided to combine them all under one entry. Probably the most prominent example of a cash cow on this list, there was no way to improve these films without significant backlash because they are pretty faithfully adapted from Stephanie Meyer's books. I am not even going to rant about how ridiculous the angst-ridden, sparkly teenage vampires are in these movies since it has all been said before. I will just point out a poignant quote by horror author Stephen King on the overall quality of the books (and, by proxy, the films): “Twilight is about how important it is to have a boyfriend.” I have heard several people defending these films simply because 100-year-old vampire Edward and 17-year-old Bella (let that sink in for a moment...ewww) waited until marriage to get it on. That may be a nice change of pace for some, but what sort of conflicting messages are we sending our young ones when the “heroine” of the story is actually willing to commit suicide just to get her boyfriend's attention? The Twilight series is a mockery and a slap in the face of Young Adult books and films everywhere simply for having such a weak, pathetic female lead. And sparkly vamps.

Dracula (2006) – Yet another BBC adaptation of the Stoker novel, and in name only. The storyline of this stinker does not even come close to the story, instead serving as a commentary on whether or not Bram Stoker may have had syphilis in his lifetime. Really? What does that have to do with anything? Arthur Holmwood turns out to be the one who brought Dracula to London from Transylvania because he contracted syphilis from his many indiscretions against his wife, Lucy, and wants Dracula to turn him immortal so he will be cured. Most other characters are entirely written out of the story altogether: Jonathan Harker dies in the beginning à la Horror of Dracula (1958); Van Helsing barely appears at all, and when he does, he is so terrified of Dracula that he is rendered utterly impotent to the story; Seward, Quincy, Renfield, and many others are nowhere to be found at all. Add an extremely lackluster, yawn-inducing performance by Marc Warren as the Count, and you have a genuine, bona fide stinker. There are plenty of adaptations of the novel I do not like, but this may be the only one I actively hate.

Van Helsing (2004) – Bad special effects and thin performances abound in this flick directed by Stephen Sommers of G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra and the Mummy films. Hugh Jackman stars as the titular hero, Van Helsing, and neither he nor Kate Beckinsale's lovely visage can save this farce. A massive failure at the box office, this movie set back the horror genre as a prospect for big tentpole productions. Thankfully, Jackman has forged an illustrious career over the last twenty-five years, as evidenced in the recent Deadpool & Wolverine.

Blade: Trinity (2004) – After the masterful Blade II (another movie that did not quite make my previous list but still gets lots of love), Blade: Trinity was a pure WTF moment for the franchise that effectively killed the prospect of another Blade film for many years. Dominic Purcell plays this film's in-universe inspiration for Dracula, but he is not fooling anyone. Instead, he spends a lot of time running away from Blade. The fight scenes are less-than-stellar, the story is mainly incoherent, and Wesley Snipes was already on his way to the big house for tax evasion when the movie was released. There are plenty of stories about Snipes butting heads with director David Goyer, who took over the reins from Guillermo del Toro, and Patton Oswalt has gone on record claiming that Snipes spent almost all of his off time sitting in his trailer smoking weed and signing all of his correspondence with "Blade." The only bright light of the film comes from Ryan Reynolds's performance as Hannibal King, whose side-splittingly funny one-liners are the only reason to see this pile of crap.

Vamp (1986) – Ah, Grace Jones. Enjoying a bit of notoriety in the 80s after turns in Conan the Destroyer and A View to a Kill, she appears in some of the weirdest makeup ever committed to film as the head vampire of a strip club. Also on hand are Gedde Watanabe, famous for playing Long Duk Dong in Sixteen Candles, and Dedee Pfeiffer, sister of Michelle, as a girl who works in the club yet somehow does not know that it is run by vampires. This one is probably the best on this list regarding quality and watchability, but that only goes so far.

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (2012) – I remember being morbidly curious after seeing the book cover for Seth Grahame-Smith's novel, and even more so after hearing it would be made into a big blockbuster movie. Then, I rented it...and immediately regretted it. This movie is just awful. I appreciate a bit of alternative history mixed with horror as much as the next guy—heck, I have a story based on that premise on the back burner—but the execution of this one is just dreadful. Look at the ridiculous horse stampede scene, for example. Physics is thrown out of the window in favor of Zach Snyder-esque slo-mo shots that defy every law of science we have, almost making the movie an unintentional comedy. The movie appears very self-aware at first and invites you to laugh along with it, but then it all comes crashing down when the vampires kill Lincoln's son in retaliation, and the story suddenly shifts into a much darker path. This took me right out of the movie. I know that it is supposed to “explain” things that happened in real-life history, but this movie should be escapist entertainment first and foremost.

Fright Night (2011) – I actually enjoyed Colin Farrel's portrayal of a vampire throughout the first half of this film and thought we were on track for a decent remake; it was just different and menacing enough to feel like a fresh take. Then, somewhere along the line, the film takes a turn for the worst and becomes just another action-driven, CGI-heavy junkfest. The late Anton Yelchin and David Tennant are underutilized as Charlie Brewster and Peter Vincent. Watch the original instead.

Dracula 2000 (2000) - Since I first discovered the Internet in my high school library way back in 1997, I have gravitated toward websites about upcoming movies. One I frequented had an entry about a new Dracula movie. This was a big deal for me since this was the first Dracula movie I had heard of since Bram Stoker's Dracula in 1992. However, what ended up gracing the screen after I began attending college was significantly less soul-stirring. There were many great ideas (I felt the concept of Dracula actually being Judas Iscariot was brilliant) that could have made for a fascinating take on the character, but sadly, they took a backseat to all of the Matrix-styled action and over-saturation of sex appeal. Gerard Butler is the best part of this movie, but Van Helsing is woefully underutilized (they had Christopher Plummer, for God's sake!). This film does not quite have the impact it could have, which is a shame; it is a tremendous wasted opportunity.

And that brings an end to my list of Ten Vampire Films to Avoid During the Halloween Season. As before, here is a short list of runners-up:

Dracula 3000 (2004)
Children of the Night (1991)
Priest (2011)
Queen of the Damned (2002)
Vampire in Brooklyn (1995)
Dario Argento's Dracula 3D (2012)
I Married a Vampire (1987)
Fright Night 2 (2013)
Zoltan: Hound of Dracula (1978)
Grave of the Vampire (1972)

Thank you so much for reading. I had a blast making these lists and hope you enjoyed them. Did I miss anything? Do you agree with me or disagree? Let me know in the comments below.

TEN VAMPIRE FILMS TO WATCH DURING THE HALLOWEEN SEASON

Taste may be subjective, but there is arguably a dearth of exceptional vampire films. If you are a vampire aficionado but have yet to see any or all of the movies presented here, I implore you to give them a look. There's more here than simple, carnal delight; these films were all chosen for their quality and contribution to the genre.

It goes without saying that this list is entirely subjective and based on my own personal preferences, so please do not be offended if I did not include some or all of your favorite films. (Chances are, I have seen them and love them.)

Here, in no particular order, are ten great vampire films to watch during the Halloween season.

Nosferatu, eine Symphonie des Grauens (1922) – The seminal classic vampire film and one of the most widely-regarded pieces of Germany's Expressionist period. Originally conceived as a direct adaptation of the novel Dracula by Bram Stoker, the film ran into legal trouble with Stoker's estate and changed the names of characters, places, and even the climax in a vain attempt to avoid copyright infringement. After all known copies were destroyed, it was thought to have been lost for several decades before being re-discovered. Max Schreck's portrayal of Graf Orlok as a twisted, rat-like creature feeding on the blood of innocents still sends chills up the spine. (Bonus points if you score a copy boasting a soundtrack by Type O Negative and hosted by David Carradine.)

Vampyr (1932) – Carl Theodor Dreyer's film, loosely based on elements of J. Sheridan Le Fanu's In A Glass Darkly, about an occult-obsessed adventurer who gets wrapped up in a vampiric mystery, is equally ahead of its time as well as behind. Dreyer was reputedly only used to filming silent movies, so the film ultimately serves as a sort of “hybrid” of silent and sound, with a limited soundtrack and title cards to help move the story along. Nevertheless, it is widely regarded as a horror masterpiece and is undoubtedly worth the look. Fun fact: the lead actor's name, “Julian West,” is actually the stage name of Nicolas de Gunzburg, a prominent banker and socialite (and, subsequently, the editor of magazines like Town & Country, Harper's Bazaar, and Vogue) who actually helped fund the making of Dreyer's next film in exchange for a starring role in this one.

Drácula (1931) – Universal's Dracula, starring Bela Lugosi, is a beloved classic and still undeniably the benchmark by which we judge screen adaptations of Dracula. Still, the Spanish language version is a technical masterpiece that improves on the Lugosi classic in almost every way. Everything is better here, from the noticeably smoother dolly tracking to the actors' performances. Pay particular attention to Pablo Alvarez Rubio's portrayal of Renfield, who comes across as a more tragic and sympathetic character than his American counterpart, Dwight Frye. If you are okay with subtitles, this is definitely one to catch.

Nosferatu: Phantom der Nacht (1979) – Werner Herzog's loving homage to the classic Nosferatu, eine Symphonie des Grauens is not your typical remake in that it is almost better in every way than the original. Klaus Kinski turns in an absolutely chilling and vile performance as Graf Dracula (this version retains the names of the characters from the novel), succeeding by leaps and bounds in portraying the Count as a simultaneously sympathetic and revolting creature. An English-speaking version, titled Nosferatu the Vampyre, was produced concurrently with the German one, so while you do not necessarily have to suffer through subtitles, my suggestion ultimately comes down to the German version. It is painfully evident that English is not the native language of the actors, and the line deliveries are considerably more wooden. Either way, both versions are astounding, and the film's haunting soundtrack makes that ride all the sweeter. I cannot wait for Robert Eggers' new adaptation to drop in December; comparing all three should prove quite interesting.

Let the Right One In (2008) – Tomas Alfredson's adaptation of a 2004 Swedish novel of the same name tells the lonely tale of Oskar, a young boy living in Stockholm in 1981 who leads a lonely existence and is relentlessly bullied at school. He soon discovers a new neighbor at his apartment complex, Eli, a 200-year-old vampire trapped inside the ageless body of a young girl. What follows is a haunting and beautiful tale of burgeoning emotion and friendship interspersed with extremely dark undertones of the nature of revenge, violence, and doing what is necessary to survive. I cannot express enough how this movie affects me; I am nearly in tears every time the credits roll. It is probably my favorite vampire film of all time.

We Are the Night (2010) – This film confidently walks the thin line between the heavy cinematic stylization of the Underworld films and a more heady, character-driven story like Let the Right One In. A young, drug-addicted, suicidal girl named Lena is “chosen” by Louise, the dominatrix of an all-female vampiric trio, to be the fourth member of their little family, and soon they are living it up in nightclubs, driving fast cars with carefree abandon, and feasting on the blood of whom they please. All of the girls have turned to vampirism as a means to the ultimate escapism, leaving their old lives behind to embrace the dark power they have discovered...but what happens when the past begins to catch up with them? Many films and stories have skirted similar plotlines, but this film shows the harsh reality that, no matter how long one can live, they cannot run from themselves forever.

'Salem's Lot (2004) – My personal hot take is that I prefer this version of 'Salem's Lot to the 1979 television miniseries. (Incidentally, audiences will again have an opportunity to travel back to the Lot this month as Gary Dauberman's long-delayed film adaptation will finally be made available for streaming on Max.) Possibly the best television miniseries adaptation of a Stephen King novel, save for Storm of the Century, perhaps, this one retains almost everything that makes the book great. Rob Lowe, Andre Braugher, James Cromwell, Donald Sutherland, and Rutger Hauer perform fantastically in this tale of a small New England town overrun by vampires. Though a few special effects could have been handled better (it is a television production, after all), they hardly detract from a masterful adaptation of one of King's best stories. Given the time this was made, there are quite a few shocking scenes on display, so it is lovely to see that they pulled no punches in bringing the novel to life with such a quality small-screen production.

Great Performances – Count Dracula (1977) – Louis Jourdan turns in a beautifully understated performance as the Count in what is, to my knowledge, the most faithful adaptation of Bram Stoker's magnum opus. There is no denying that the production values in this one are a bit lacking by today's standards, but all the significant plot details are there, with hardly anything extraneous added. My only gripe is that Quincy P. Morris and Arthur Holmwood are condensed into a single character, Quincy Holmwood, but overall, there is very little to quibble about. One performance of note is that of Frank Finlay, who imbues the character of Professor Van Helsing with a sense of dread and urgency that I feel is often lost in many other character portrayals. Fun fact: Klaus Kinski, who played Dracula in Nosferatu: Phantom der Nacht, plays Renfield in a sadly watered-down role compared to most other adaptations.

Mystery and Imagination – Dracula (1968) – This one is fascinating—not necessarily one of my favorites as far as straight adaptations go, but at the time I saw it, it was just so damn hard to find. It is worth watching if you have never heard of or seen it. Here, Dracula is portrayed by Denholm Elliot, probably best known in America for playing Marcus Brody in the Indiana Jones films (personally, I fondly remember him as Selsdon Mowbray in Noises Off, his final film before his untimely passing, and arguably one of the greatest comedies of the early 90's). He may lack some of the charm or charisma brought to the role by other actors, but the allure lies mainly in the fact that this rare film was tough to come by before it was posted on YouTube.

30 Days of Night (2007) – This film adaptation of the widely-acclaimed DC comic series is a frightening reminder of just how little chance humans would actually stand against real vampires, given that they physically outmatch us in almost every way. Hand-to-hand fisticuffs? Forget it; you are as good as dead. This one has considerably more gore than the other films on the list, so be prepared. An excellent performance of note is that of Ben Foster, the "Renfield" of the story, who arrives at the town before the vampires to assist in sabotaging any chance of escape for Josh Hartnett and his crew.

As with any list of great films, some almost made the cut but ultimately ended up being left out. Here are ten runners-up:

Fright Night (1985)
Dracula (1931)
Horror of Dracula (1958)
Shadow of the Vampire (2000)
Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992)
Near Dark (1987)
Thirst (2009)
The Hunger (1983)
John Carpenter's Vampires (1998)
​Interview with the Vampire (1994)

Of course, no top-ten list of favorite movies is complete without its antithesis. Be sure to check in on October 15th when I post my list of Ten Vampire Films to Avoid During the Halloween Season.

Until next time!